I've always found solace in writing as a main form of expression. Maybe I don't do it as much as I'd like to without a sense of judgement, but since I own my own domain, I've decided that it would make most sense either way.
A lot of my approach is to truly return back to myself and my own alignment, regardless of how that might look like for someone else. I've come to terms with the fact that I juxtapose many things, and that is reflective of most things in my life. I admire loyalty and adhere to it, with the terms of flexibility. I love controlled creativity. I love planned adventure. I love fast progress with long timelines. I can pivot a lot, make new associations, then upgrade my own internal system (mentally) that way.
And for the longest time I thought that perhaps there was something wrong with my approach. This caused me a great deal of guilt. As someone who has to manage their emotions, and practise remaining a mental space of neutrality despite circumstances, guilt can eat away at you over time. I used to wish very much that I was different, or that I should learn to commit to things till the very end. How would I be perceived if I were to change my mind?
I feel that it's so important to learn your own rhythm and truly honour it. A lot of input comes from environments that expect you to fit into a certain timeline and mould, and of course there is no obligation to follow – it can cause noise against your own natural voice as compared to when you think with clear thoughts.
One part I've learnt to embrace fully, instead of suppressing, is that I always make new associations at lightning speed at any given moment. I just naturally cross analyse and come up with new thoughts or actions or inner state changes. If I don't centre my emotions though, this can cause a rift in reacting to life as it happens – rather than seeing it from the perspective of future-now. The perspective of future-now naturally arrived once I accepted that dissonance between sight and perception is MY unique experience. The world is always playing catch up, even more so for me to spend my time remaining grounded and clear minded, than fill my mind with worries. This is where the need to manage emotions comes in, especially the subtle perception shifts.
I used to think that you had to be super special to experience great things or that you have to be the leading expert in order to be 'someone' – everything outside of being 'you' - but me as I am, and you as you are, already holds your own unique perspectives and understanding. You hold the ideas, the right moves, and the precise rhythm needed for you to thrive. Not false goals or ideas fed to you by someone else. Alignment is something I discuss on X Spaces very much, and people seem to be drawn to it, particularly from a space of genuine sharing.
Clarity of yourself and what makes you inspired, even if it makes no sense, even if it seems spontaneous, is the perfect and right step to take. Alignment, alignment, alignment. Alignment is a forever adventure. Alignment comes from the place of fullness and flow, Alignment happens when you stop being afraid of judgement, of being seen, of being heard, and embrace the absurdity of it all.
We think too much - thinking of what if, how things can be, what they should be, and then leave ourselves susceptible to following others instead of what lights us up. Because it makes sense to someone else.
But that doesn't have to be the case. Your life should make sense to you, even if it's the most illogical, topsy turvy adventure of twists and turns.
